1
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~~

2
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,115
Good morning, darling.

3
00:00:42,050 --> 00:00:43,685
Come on, rise and shine.

4
00:00:43,718 --> 00:00:45,687
It's a beautiful day out, Rob.

5
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,389
The sun is shining. Come on, honey.

6
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,090
Let's get an early start.

7
00:00:49,124 --> 00:00:52,327
Rob? Honey? Hey.

8
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,130
Don't do that!

9
00:00:57,198 --> 00:00:59,134
( THINKING ) don't do that?

10
00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:01,636
He used to love me to do that.

11
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,838
Hmm. my prince charming.

12
00:01:03,872 --> 00:01:05,974
Promised to slay dragons for me.

13
00:01:06,007 --> 00:01:08,243
He won't even get up to have breakfast with me

14
00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:10,745
on his day off.

15
00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:12,814
Well, I guess it's natural for a husband

16
00:01:12,847 --> 00:01:16,318
to behave this way after so many years of marriage.

17
00:01:16,351 --> 00:01:19,654
But I still feel like eating breakfast with him.

18
00:01:21,756 --> 00:01:24,793
I wonder if he's getting tired of me.

19
00:01:24,826 --> 00:01:27,996
I never noticed these lines before.

20
00:01:28,029 --> 00:01:30,765
Maybe he has.

21
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,702
Oh, I'm just being silly.

22
00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:35,937
We're not married that long.

23
00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:37,739
Rob? Are you asleep?

24
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( GROANS )

25
00:01:39,374 --> 00:01:41,376
want to have breakfast with me?

26
00:01:41,409 --> 00:01:43,445
What time is it?

27
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,280
It's after 9:00.

28
00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:46,848
How much after?

29
00:01:46,881 --> 00:01:48,249
A minute.

30
00:01:50,118 --> 00:01:52,354
Rob, don't you want to have breakfast with me?

31
00:01:52,387 --> 00:01:54,356
Oh, do I have to?

32
00:01:54,389 --> 00:01:56,758
No, you don't have to,

33
00:01:56,791 --> 00:01:58,793
if you'd rather just lie there.

34
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,862
Oh, yeah, I would.

35
00:02:04,232 --> 00:02:08,103
Well, I guess I'll just have to have breakfast alone again.

36
00:02:08,136 --> 00:02:11,006
No, wait for me, honey. I'll eat with you.

37
00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:12,941
When? In two hours?

38
00:02:12,974 --> 00:02:14,943
If I wait till 11:00, I'll faint.

39
00:02:14,976 --> 00:02:17,112
Good idea.

40
00:02:17,145 --> 00:02:19,147
All right!

41
00:02:20,148 --> 00:02:21,383
Honey?

42
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:24,819
Would you pull the curtain?

43
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,688
The light's in my eyes.

44
00:02:32,927 --> 00:02:36,297
Rob, are you going to sleep all day?

45
00:02:36,331 --> 00:02:38,033
No, just till 11:00, honey.

46
00:02:38,066 --> 00:02:39,834
Wake me at 11:00.

47
00:02:55,483 --> 00:02:58,086
( ALARM RINGING )

48
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( ALARM STOPS ) Ahh.

49
00:03:08,530 --> 00:03:11,166
Oh, boy. I feel good!

50
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,503
Good morning, honey. Morning, honey.

51
00:03:15,537 --> 00:03:17,305
Thanks for letting me sleep.

52
00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:21,176
Feeling better?

53
00:03:21,209 --> 00:03:24,279
Oh, those extra two hours' sleep really set me up.

54
00:03:24,312 --> 00:03:26,414
Sure. What time did you get up?

55
00:03:26,448 --> 00:03:28,083
Oh, I've been up since 7:00.

56
00:03:28,116 --> 00:03:29,384
Oh, then you've had your breakfast.

57
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,319
Mm-mm. Waited for you.

58
00:03:31,352 --> 00:03:34,355
You must be starving. How'd you do that?

59
00:03:34,389 --> 00:03:37,025
It's easy. I set the alarm ahead two hours.

60
00:03:37,058 --> 00:03:38,393
Good idea.

61
00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:44,966
You mean I didn't get those extra two hours' sleep?

62
00:03:44,999 --> 00:03:46,301
No.

63
00:03:46,334 --> 00:03:48,570
Well, uh...

64
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:51,005
How much extra sleep did I get?

65
00:03:51,039 --> 00:03:53,842
About seven seconds.

66
00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:56,978
Oh, boy, am I tired.

67
00:03:57,011 --> 00:03:59,481
Rob, you've had eight hours.

68
00:03:59,514 --> 00:04:02,450
I know, but that was last night.

69
00:04:02,484 --> 00:04:04,886
I like to get a couple of hours in the morning.

70
00:04:04,919 --> 00:04:06,287
Oh, Rob! You--

71
00:04:06,321 --> 00:04:08,022
Shh, honey.

72
00:04:14,529 --> 00:04:17,232
Have a little respect for daddy!

73
00:04:25,406 --> 00:04:27,408
Morning, honey.

74
00:04:27,442 --> 00:04:29,978
( KISSES ) how's my old lady?

75
00:04:30,011 --> 00:04:32,213
What did you say?

76
00:04:32,247 --> 00:04:34,582
I said, how's my old lady?

77
00:04:34,616 --> 00:04:37,886
Well, I don't know. I haven't spoken to your mother lately,

78
00:04:37,919 --> 00:04:39,587
but I'm fine.

79
00:04:39,621 --> 00:04:42,223
Oh, touche.

80
00:04:42,257 --> 00:04:44,425
Honey, there's pits and seeds

81
00:04:44,459 --> 00:04:46,895
and orange flesh in this orange juice.

82
00:04:46,928 --> 00:04:50,365
You know how meticulous I am about my orange flesh.

83
00:04:50,398 --> 00:04:53,234
Not too meticulous about the way you dress, are you?

84
00:04:53,268 --> 00:04:55,537
My, don't you look dashing.

85
00:04:55,570 --> 00:04:57,305
Why, thank you, my dear.

86
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,949
What are you doing?

87
00:05:07,982 --> 00:05:09,651
A gray hair.

88
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:12,253
So?

89
00:05:12,287 --> 00:05:14,088
So...congratulations.

90
00:05:14,122 --> 00:05:15,924
Today you're a woman.

91
00:05:15,957 --> 00:05:17,292
Here, you want to press it in a book

92
00:05:17,325 --> 00:05:19,060
or have it bronzed?

93
00:05:19,093 --> 00:05:21,162
Do you want your breakfast now?

94
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,064
Sure.

95
00:05:27,235 --> 00:05:29,070
Honey...

96
00:05:29,103 --> 00:05:31,673
Are you angry with me for something?

97
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,174
What makes you think that?

98
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,076
( SLAMS )

99
00:05:35,109 --> 00:05:37,312
that makes me think that.

100
00:05:37,345 --> 00:05:39,047
I've been joking around with you.

101
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,615
You haven't been joking back.

102
00:05:40,648 --> 00:05:43,151
You mean I'm not my usual pleasant self?

103
00:05:43,184 --> 00:05:45,019
Honey, are you angry with me

104
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,688
because I didn't have breakfast with you?

105
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,923
No, I'm not. You're not angry?

106
00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:50,558
No, I'm not angry!

107
00:05:50,592 --> 00:05:53,361
( CLANGING )

108
00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:57,065
Honey, who have you got in there?

109
00:05:57,098 --> 00:05:59,968
I am beating your eggs.

110
00:06:00,001 --> 00:06:02,070
What do you want with them?

111
00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:04,172
I don't know. A smile might be nice.

112
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:10,578
I think I'll go back and, uh...

113
00:06:10,612 --> 00:06:13,014
Start the whole day over again.

114
00:06:13,047 --> 00:06:14,716
While you're at it, you might choose something

115
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,285
a little less formal to wear.

116
00:06:17,318 --> 00:06:19,487
Honey, this is my day-off outfit.

117
00:06:21,389 --> 00:06:23,424
That's it. You're angry with me

118
00:06:23,458 --> 00:06:25,193
because of the way I'm dressed.

119
00:06:25,226 --> 00:06:27,228
Well, do you like the way you look?

120
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,264
Well...

121
00:06:29,297 --> 00:06:32,233
I guess I do look pretty yucky at that.

122
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:35,236
I'm sorry, honey. I'll go in and change.

123
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:38,539
No, no, you don't have to change on my account.

124
00:06:38,573 --> 00:06:41,409
Who's account am I gonna change on?

125
00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:43,611
I can't see how yucky I look.

126
00:06:43,645 --> 00:06:45,647
Well, I can.

127
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,548
I mean, don't you care

128
00:06:47,582 --> 00:06:50,285
that I can see you looking this way?

129
00:06:50,318 --> 00:06:52,320
Just...excuse me.

130
00:06:52,353 --> 00:06:54,689
I don't know, honey. You always told me before

131
00:06:54,722 --> 00:06:57,125
that I look cute when I'm sloppy.

132
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You don't look cute.

133
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You look like someone who doesn't care if--

134
00:07:02,163 --> 00:07:03,665
if--

135
00:07:03,698 --> 00:07:06,134
who doesn't care if what?

136
00:07:06,167 --> 00:07:09,003
Well, if I walked around like that--

137
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:12,507
I mean, if a husband really cares about--

138
00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:15,343
well, all I know is that if--

139
00:07:15,376 --> 00:07:18,012
( CRYING ) well, if the bloom is off the rose, then--

140
00:07:19,447 --> 00:07:22,216
and if two married people can't--

141
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:25,186
well, then I say, what's the use?!

142
00:07:25,219 --> 00:07:27,155
Honey!

143
00:07:27,188 --> 00:07:29,424
Honey, what are you trying to say?

144
00:07:29,457 --> 00:07:31,125
You just don't care!

145
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:33,027
Don't care about what?

146
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:35,396
Well, if you don't know what you don't care about,

147
00:07:35,430 --> 00:07:38,333
then I'm certainly not going to tell you.

148
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Honey!

149
00:07:40,201 --> 00:07:42,370
I don't know what you just said.

150
00:07:42,403 --> 00:07:44,739
I don't know what you're so upset about.

151
00:07:44,772 --> 00:07:47,108
I know this has something to do with my sleeping late

152
00:07:47,141 --> 00:07:49,744
and my general yuckiness.

153
00:07:49,777 --> 00:07:51,713
Honey, I don't like to see you this way.

154
00:07:51,746 --> 00:07:53,381
Is there anything I can do?

155
00:07:53,414 --> 00:07:55,717
Yes, just eat your eggs!

156
00:07:57,485 --> 00:07:59,287
( SOBBING )

157
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,756
Oh...honey?

158
00:08:01,789 --> 00:08:04,525
You can stop crying. I'm eating my eggs.

159
00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:06,094
( DOOR SLAMS )

160
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,265
Say, what's the matter with you, Laura?

161
00:08:11,299 --> 00:08:13,735
We've been addressing envelopes for an hour now,

162
00:08:13,768 --> 00:08:16,437
and all you can say is, "uh-huh" or "hmm".

163
00:08:16,471 --> 00:08:19,240
Are you all right? I'm fine.

164
00:08:19,273 --> 00:08:20,842
Everything all right with you and Rob?

165
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,810
Why do you ask that?

166
00:08:22,844 --> 00:08:25,079
Oh, I don't know.

167
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:27,248
You've noticed something between us, haven't you?

168
00:08:27,281 --> 00:08:29,117
No, not at all. I just asked--

169
00:08:29,150 --> 00:08:31,319
no, Millie, you did notice something, didn't you?

170
00:08:31,352 --> 00:08:34,222
Well, I'm noticing it now. What's happened?

171
00:08:34,255 --> 00:08:36,190
Oh, Millie.

172
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:38,593
I've seen it happen to other married couples,

173
00:08:38,626 --> 00:08:41,462
but I just never thought I'd see it happen to Rob and me.

174
00:08:41,496 --> 00:08:43,731
I mean, that-- that Rob--

175
00:08:43,765 --> 00:08:46,667
that my--that-- what?

176
00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:48,336
( CRYING ) that my own husband--

177
00:08:48,369 --> 00:08:50,204
what? Would--

178
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,240
Laura, you're making me nervous!

179
00:08:52,273 --> 00:08:53,841
What happened?

180
00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:55,576
This.

181
00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:58,446
He hit you in the head?!

182
00:08:59,781 --> 00:09:01,449
No, of course not.

183
00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:03,151
Well, what are you showing me?

184
00:09:03,184 --> 00:09:05,153
Can't you see the gray hair?

185
00:09:05,186 --> 00:09:07,255
Gray hair?

186
00:09:07,288 --> 00:09:09,557
Where? I don't see any gray hair.

187
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:11,359
Well, it was there yesterday.

188
00:09:11,392 --> 00:09:13,227
Rob pulled one out.

189
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,563
Oh, Millie, I'm getting old.

190
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,432
Oh, come on, Laura. One gray hair

191
00:09:17,465 --> 00:09:19,167
isn't gonna make you old.

192
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,569
Yeah, well, it's not just the gray hair.

193
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,638
It's Rob's whole attitude toward me.

194
00:09:23,671 --> 00:09:25,873
You can stuff that one.

195
00:09:25,907 --> 00:09:28,342
You mean he's not as attentive as he used to be?

196
00:09:28,376 --> 00:09:30,912
No, he's not. And he doesn't look at me

197
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:33,147
the same way he used to, either.

198
00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:35,750
Well, why should he? He's got you memorized.

199
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:39,887
He knows you're pretty, and he takes it for granted.

200
00:09:39,921 --> 00:09:42,623
Yeah, that's it. For granted.

201
00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:45,526
Everything in our lives is just too for granted.

202
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:48,429
We each know exactly what the other is going to think and do.

203
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,432
There just aren't any more surprises left.

204
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:54,769
Well, you have to make them. How do you do that?

205
00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:57,939
Whenever Jerry starts taking me for granted,

206
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,241
I have a simple remedy. What?

207
00:10:00,274 --> 00:10:02,643
I just bleach my hair.

208
00:10:02,677 --> 00:10:04,812
You bleach your hair? Uh-huh.

209
00:10:04,846 --> 00:10:06,681
It's amazing what happens.

210
00:10:06,714 --> 00:10:08,749
Jerry will stare at me as though he's looking

211
00:10:08,783 --> 00:10:10,685
at a whole new lady.

212
00:10:10,718 --> 00:10:13,354
He gets very affectionate, too.

213
00:10:13,387 --> 00:10:16,958
Millie, do you think that if I bleach my hair--

214
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,526
no, I couldn't.

215
00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:20,628
Why not?

216
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:23,531
Well, I don't think Rob would approve of me as a blonde.

217
00:10:23,564 --> 00:10:26,534
How does he feel about Marilyn Monroe and Brigitte Bardot?

218
00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:30,771
Millie, I'll do it.

219
00:10:30,805 --> 00:10:32,773
Great, marvelous!

220
00:10:32,807 --> 00:10:34,609
What do we do first?

221
00:10:44,819 --> 00:10:47,288
~ Five, four, three

222
00:10:47,321 --> 00:10:48,956
~ Two, one

223
00:10:48,990 --> 00:10:50,958
Zero! Well, we did it.

224
00:10:50,992 --> 00:10:52,760
What? What'd we do?

225
00:10:52,793 --> 00:10:54,428
We wasted a whole day.

226
00:10:56,397 --> 00:10:58,466
Thanks a lot. For this big scoop, you had to wake me up?

227
00:10:58,499 --> 00:11:00,434
I had a beautiful dream.

228
00:11:00,468 --> 00:11:02,270
Now you can go home and finish it.

229
00:11:02,303 --> 00:11:03,804
Not this one.

230
00:11:03,838 --> 00:11:06,707
My wife wouldn't let me bring it in the house.

231
00:11:06,741 --> 00:11:09,410
Look, you guys, if you want to call it a day, go home.

232
00:11:09,443 --> 00:11:11,812
Rob, I'm here to work. If you want to work, let's work.

233
00:11:11,846 --> 00:11:14,615
You're doing your nails. I figured you had a date.

234
00:11:14,649 --> 00:11:16,450
As a matter of fact, I have,

235
00:11:16,484 --> 00:11:17,952
but it's the kind of a date

236
00:11:17,985 --> 00:11:19,887
where it's better if I show up a little late.

237
00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:22,723
Like two or three days.

238
00:11:22,757 --> 00:11:24,725
Oh, one of those, huh?

239
00:11:24,759 --> 00:11:26,661
Whatever happened to all those prospective bridegrooms

240
00:11:26,694 --> 00:11:27,995
you used to have hanging around here?

241
00:11:28,029 --> 00:11:29,697
They're still around. Yeah?

242
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,465
There's Doubting Charlie, there's--

243
00:11:31,499 --> 00:11:32,800
Doubting Charlie?

244
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:34,335
Yeah, he keeps proposing,

245
00:11:34,368 --> 00:11:35,670
and I keep saying yes,

246
00:11:35,703 --> 00:11:38,706
but he just won't believe me.

247
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:40,575
Remember that guy you used to have around--

248
00:11:40,608 --> 00:11:42,810
he had an ear like this and a funny nose like this?

249
00:11:42,843 --> 00:11:44,378
You mean Woodrow Glimsher.

250
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,846
That's him. Woodrow Glimsher.

251
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,381
He's got a mother problem.

252
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,917
Yeah, he's got a name problem, too.

253
00:11:49,951 --> 00:11:52,553
See, Woodrow's mother wants him to wait a little while.

254
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:56,557
She doesn't want him to get married until I'm too old.

255
00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:58,593
Well, who's the lucky little gent tonight?

256
00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:00,728
Herman. Who's Herman?

257
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:03,831
Please, let's not talk about before dinner.

258
00:12:03,864 --> 00:12:05,499
Where'd you meet this Herman?

259
00:12:05,533 --> 00:12:07,635
Woodrow's mother introduced us.

260
00:12:09,503 --> 00:12:11,339
Come on, Sal, what is he like?

261
00:12:11,372 --> 00:12:15,309
Herman? Well, Herman is, uh...

262
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:17,511
Blech.

263
00:12:17,545 --> 00:12:20,381
Blech! Herman Blech! I think I know him.

264
00:12:20,414 --> 00:12:22,817
Are you gonna talk about my romances,

265
00:12:22,850 --> 00:12:24,652
or are we gonna get some work done around here?

266
00:12:24,685 --> 00:12:26,454
Look, gang on home.

267
00:12:26,487 --> 00:12:29,490
I'm sorry I've been such a big drag today.

268
00:12:29,523 --> 00:12:31,492
You know, you have been a drag.

269
00:12:31,525 --> 00:12:34,028
What's the matter? You sick or something? No, I'm not sick.

270
00:12:34,061 --> 00:12:35,763
Don't you know our chief well enough by now?

271
00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:37,398
When he's sick, he works harder.

272
00:12:37,431 --> 00:12:39,066
When he broods, it's one of two things--

273
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:40,768
one, he had a fight with Laura,

274
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:42,603
or two, Laura had a fight with him.

275
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:44,805
True or false? True.

276
00:12:44,839 --> 00:12:46,874
Well, what was the beef about?

277
00:12:46,907 --> 00:12:49,377
I don't know. we didn't fight long enough for me to find out.

278
00:12:49,410 --> 00:12:52,446
Oh, one of those-- "and if you don't know..."

279
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,082
BOTH: "I'm certainly not going to tell you."

280
00:13:00,054 --> 00:13:02,857
Hey, Rob, did she give you a hint?

281
00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:04,859
She was about to at one point,

282
00:13:04,892 --> 00:13:06,961
then she started to cry.

283
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:09,630
Ohh, this kid is in trouble.

284
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,132
Rob, why don't you do like I do?

285
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:12,933
Yeah, why don't you do like he does?

286
00:13:12,967 --> 00:13:15,036
What do you do?

287
00:13:15,069 --> 00:13:16,671
I just look down my list

288
00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:18,039
of all the things wives get upset about.

289
00:13:18,072 --> 00:13:19,740
Good thinking.

290
00:13:19,774 --> 00:13:21,542
I've been doing that all day, Buddy.

291
00:13:21,575 --> 00:13:23,544
It hasn't gotten me anywhere.

292
00:13:23,577 --> 00:13:25,613
Well, maybe your list isn't as full as mine.

293
00:13:25,646 --> 00:13:28,616
The longer you're married, the longer the list.

294
00:13:28,649 --> 00:13:31,786
Hey, how about jealousy?

295
00:13:31,819 --> 00:13:33,954
No, I tried that. It couldn't be jealousy.

296
00:13:33,988 --> 00:13:35,656
Laura doesn't cry when she's jealous.

297
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,792
She just sits there and smiles. Smiles?

298
00:13:37,825 --> 00:13:39,460
Yeah, like this.

299
00:13:41,162 --> 00:13:43,864
Have you insulted your mother-in-law lately?

300
00:13:43,898 --> 00:13:46,500
No, I love my mother-in-law. I never insult her.

301
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:49,003
That's just it. You're neglecting the old bat.

302
00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:50,738
You gotta insult 'em,

303
00:13:50,771 --> 00:13:52,673
or they think you don't care.

304
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:54,709
You know, this is an education.

305
00:13:54,742 --> 00:13:57,912
I gotta remember this if Woodrow's mother ever proposes.

306
00:13:57,945 --> 00:14:00,614
How about presents? Presents?

307
00:14:00,648 --> 00:14:02,450
Yeah, like for special occasions.

308
00:14:02,483 --> 00:14:03,751
Like what?

309
00:14:03,784 --> 00:14:05,052
Birthday, anniversary...

310
00:14:05,086 --> 00:14:06,721
Valentine's day, Mother's Day...

311
00:14:06,754 --> 00:14:08,889
Bastille day, Rosh Hashanah.

312
00:14:08,923 --> 00:14:12,526
Except for Bastille Day and Rosh Hashanah,

313
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,095
I think I'm all squared away.

314
00:14:14,128 --> 00:14:16,130
Did you take the garbage out? Every night.

315
00:14:16,163 --> 00:14:18,065
More important, have you taken her out?

316
00:14:18,099 --> 00:14:21,135
Almost as often as the garbage.

317
00:14:21,168 --> 00:14:23,170
Rob, have you told her how pretty she is

318
00:14:23,204 --> 00:14:25,172
and that you love her so much you just can't work?

319
00:14:25,206 --> 00:14:26,607
Oh, she--

320
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,544
Sal, you're kidding, but you know something?

321
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,881
I think you might've hit it.

322
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,916
I can't remember the last time I told her I loved her.

323
00:14:35,950 --> 00:14:37,718
See? Sally is right.

324
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:40,821
Listen, the worst thing that can happen to a woman

325
00:14:40,855 --> 00:14:42,890
is...that she go out on a date

326
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:45,025
with one unpolished fingernail.

327
00:14:47,728 --> 00:14:49,764
Listen, gang, thanks a lot.

328
00:14:49,797 --> 00:14:51,832
I'm sorry it's been such an unproductive day.

329
00:14:51,866 --> 00:14:53,534
What do you mean, unproductive?

330
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:56,203
I got in a beautiful eight hours' sleep.

331
00:14:56,237 --> 00:14:58,105
I got my nails done and saved your marriage.

332
00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,207
I think it's been a beautiful day.

333
00:15:00,241 --> 00:15:01,709
Here's your coat, Sal.

334
00:15:01,742 --> 00:15:03,077
Tally ho.

335
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,812
Holy tal.

336
00:15:04,845 --> 00:15:06,180
( LINE RINGS )

337
00:15:06,213 --> 00:15:08,482
Hello? Oh, hi, Rob.

338
00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:10,718
It's Millie. Laura's in the other room.

339
00:15:10,751 --> 00:15:12,086
Just a minute, I'll get her.

340
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,021
Laura? It's Rob.

341
00:15:14,054 --> 00:15:17,057
LAURA: Oh, I can't talk with him this way!

342
00:15:17,091 --> 00:15:19,093
Laura, you're being foolish.

343
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:20,861
She'll be with you in a minute.

344
00:15:20,895 --> 00:15:22,630
You look beautiful.

345
00:15:22,663 --> 00:15:24,732
I look hideous!

346
00:15:24,765 --> 00:15:26,667
I disagree, but even if you do,

347
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:28,569
he can't see you on the phone.

348
00:15:34,208 --> 00:15:35,943
Oh, Millie, I don't know why

349
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:37,611
I ever let you talk me into it.

350
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,280
I can't stand the way I look.

351
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,882
Rob will love it, you'll see.

352
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:47,555
Hello, Rob?

353
00:15:47,588 --> 00:15:50,791
What? What did you say?

354
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,760
Sing that again.

355
00:15:52,793 --> 00:15:54,628
Well, I don't think it was that good,

356
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,163
but if you insist.

357
00:15:56,197 --> 00:15:57,998
~ I dreamed of Laura

358
00:15:58,032 --> 00:16:00,134
~ With the dark brown hair

359
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,703
Did you tell him about my hair?

360
00:16:02,736 --> 00:16:04,738
I didn't say anything but "Hello"?

361
00:16:04,772 --> 00:16:07,007
Then why is he singing about my dark brown hair?

362
00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:09,743
I don't know. it's just a coincidence.

363
00:16:09,777 --> 00:16:11,812
Honey? What's going on there?

364
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,014
Oh, nothing, darling. Nothing.

365
00:16:14,048 --> 00:16:16,016
Millie just asked me a question.

366
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:18,052
Uh, what'd you call about?

367
00:16:18,085 --> 00:16:19,787
Well, nothing, really.

368
00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:22,289
You just called to sing about my hair?

369
00:16:22,323 --> 00:16:25,659
Well, actually, I called to... Tell you I love you

370
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,962
and that I'd like to be your friend again.

371
00:16:27,995 --> 00:16:30,965
Well, you didn't call about my hair, then?

372
00:16:30,998 --> 00:16:33,601
No, I didn't call about your hair. Why would I do that?

373
00:16:33,634 --> 00:16:35,603
Well, I don't know. I pick up the phone,

374
00:16:35,636 --> 00:16:38,639
and there you are, singing about my dark brown hair.

375
00:16:38,672 --> 00:16:41,842
I mean, Rob, do you really like my hair?

376
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:45,346
I mean really like my hair?

377
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,214
Honey, I love your hair.

378
00:16:47,248 --> 00:16:50,618
Well, honey, what if I were a blonde?

379
00:16:50,651 --> 00:16:52,186
Would I be as attractive to you

380
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:53,954
if I were a blonde?

381
00:16:53,988 --> 00:16:56,957
Uh...I can't picture you as a blonde, honey.

382
00:16:56,991 --> 00:16:58,659
Wait a minute. Yes, I can.

383
00:16:58,692 --> 00:17:00,761
You know who you'd look like? Who?

384
00:17:00,794 --> 00:17:02,062
Harpo Marx.

385
00:17:04,131 --> 00:17:06,767
He said I'd look like Harpo Marx!

386
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,036
And I do!

387
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:11,005
Honey...

388
00:17:11,038 --> 00:17:14,008
You're not considering bleaching your hair, are you?

389
00:17:14,041 --> 00:17:18,078
Oh, no, I'm not considering that.

390
00:17:18,112 --> 00:17:21,081
Good. Don't you dare. I married a brunette, honey.

391
00:17:21,115 --> 00:17:23,183
If I wanted a blonde, I could've married...

392
00:17:23,217 --> 00:17:25,619
Brigitte Bardot or Marilyn Monroe.

393
00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:27,288
You stay as sweet as you are.

394
00:17:27,321 --> 00:17:29,390
Look, honey, I'll be home in less than an hour

395
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,625
to take my brown-haired beauty to dinner.

396
00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:33,193
Uh--

397
00:17:33,227 --> 00:17:34,929
you're supposed to say, "Yay."

398
00:17:34,962 --> 00:17:37,031
Yay.

399
00:17:37,064 --> 00:17:39,133
You, uh, don't sound too pleased.

400
00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:41,936
Well, I am, honey. I'm-- I'm very pleased.

401
00:17:41,969 --> 00:17:44,672
It's just that I don't think I can go.

402
00:17:44,705 --> 00:17:46,273
Why not?

403
00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:48,342
Well, it's my hair.

404
00:17:48,375 --> 00:17:50,411
I know, it's a mess, honey. But you'll get it looking fine.

405
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:51,979
You always do.

406
00:17:52,012 --> 00:17:54,281
No, it's-- well, I shampooed it,

407
00:17:54,315 --> 00:17:57,217
and I don't think it'll be dry in time.

408
00:17:57,251 --> 00:17:59,186
So you go ahead to the restaurant,

409
00:17:59,219 --> 00:18:00,888
and I'll meet you there in--

410
00:18:00,921 --> 00:18:02,923
how long will it take you to dye it back?

411
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:05,159
About an hour. But why do you want-- shh!

412
00:18:05,192 --> 00:18:09,363
In about an hour. So don't come home.

413
00:18:09,396 --> 00:18:12,199
Will you please calm down? It's just dinner.

414
00:18:12,232 --> 00:18:13,968
What are you so excited about?

415
00:18:14,001 --> 00:18:15,903
Well, uh, I'm just excited

416
00:18:15,936 --> 00:18:17,905
about going out to dinner with you.

417
00:18:17,938 --> 00:18:19,173
I'll be home in less than an hour.

418
00:18:19,206 --> 00:18:20,407
I'm on my way. bye.

419
00:18:20,441 --> 00:18:22,176
No, no. Rob? Wait--

420
00:18:22,209 --> 00:18:24,211
( CLICK )

421
00:18:24,244 --> 00:18:25,913
Millie, you've got less than an hour

422
00:18:25,946 --> 00:18:27,681
to turn me back into a brunette.

423
00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:29,717
Why don't you let Rob see you this way?

424
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:32,753
Because I look like Harpo Marx!

425
00:18:32,786 --> 00:18:36,090
Well, all right. But I don't know if I can do it in an hour.

426
00:18:36,123 --> 00:18:37,691
You just said you could!

427
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,393
I know, but I just remembered--

428
00:18:39,426 --> 00:18:41,261
I don't have your shade in stock.

429
00:18:41,295 --> 00:18:43,397
I used it all up on myself last week.

430
00:18:43,430 --> 00:18:44,932
Oh...what are you doing?

431
00:18:44,965 --> 00:18:46,700
I'll have to call the drug store.

432
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:47,968
How long will it take?

433
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:50,037
Until I'm finished dialing.

434
00:18:50,070 --> 00:18:52,106
No, I mean to dye it back.

435
00:18:52,139 --> 00:18:54,008
I'll ask them to rush it.

436
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:55,209
( RINGS )

437
00:18:55,242 --> 00:18:56,744
Hello?

438
00:18:56,777 --> 00:18:58,746
Hello? How fast can you get

439
00:18:58,779 --> 00:19:00,881
a bottle of number 3 brown hair coloring

440
00:19:00,914 --> 00:19:02,916
to 148 Bonnie Meadow Road?

441
00:19:02,950 --> 00:19:04,852
It's an emergency! A what?

442
00:19:04,885 --> 00:19:06,720
An emergency!

443
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,389
A hair coloring emergency?

444
00:19:08,422 --> 00:19:09,957
Yes!

445
00:19:09,990 --> 00:19:11,258
Is this a rib?

446
00:19:11,291 --> 00:19:12,893
It's no rib.

447
00:19:12,926 --> 00:19:15,162
Is that you, Phil?

448
00:19:18,499 --> 00:19:21,902
No, it's not Phil! It's Mrs. Helper!

449
00:19:21,935 --> 00:19:23,937
Oh, oh, Mrs. Helper, yes. Fine.

450
00:19:23,971 --> 00:19:25,806
Now, don't get excited.

451
00:19:25,839 --> 00:19:27,741
I'll get it over to you as fast as I can.

452
00:19:29,410 --> 00:19:32,446
Come on. Millie, we'll never get it done in time!

453
00:19:35,983 --> 00:19:38,052
Laurie?

454
00:19:38,085 --> 00:19:40,254
Rich?

455
00:19:40,287 --> 00:19:41,955
Where is everybody?

456
00:19:41,989 --> 00:19:44,024
Here I am, Daddy!

457
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,859
What are you doing in there?

458
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,327
Playing hat check.

459
00:19:47,361 --> 00:19:48,996
Oh. well, how's business?

460
00:19:49,029 --> 00:19:50,497
Terrible.

461
00:19:50,531 --> 00:19:52,299
All right, I'll tell you what.

462
00:19:52,332 --> 00:19:55,069
Here is a tip for you. Thanks.

463
00:19:55,102 --> 00:19:57,204
Hey, did you bring me anything, Daddy?

464
00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:59,840
Rich, I just gave you the baseball cards.

465
00:19:59,873 --> 00:20:01,909
Oh, yeah, I forgot.

466
00:20:01,942 --> 00:20:03,777
Rich, where's your mommy?

467
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:06,213
She's in the bedroom, coloring.

468
00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,715
Oh.

469
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:13,954
Coloring?

470
00:20:16,857 --> 00:20:18,459
Hi, Millie. Hi.

471
00:20:18,492 --> 00:20:20,260
Don't go in there? Huh?

472
00:20:20,294 --> 00:20:22,096
You were going in the bedroom, weren't you?

473
00:20:22,129 --> 00:20:23,897
Yeah, why? Just don't.

474
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,300
Is Laura in there? Yes, she is, but--

475
00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:28,102
is she all right? Has anything happened?

476
00:20:28,135 --> 00:20:29,536
Well, no. She's all right.

477
00:20:29,570 --> 00:20:31,105
Millie, I'm her husband.

478
00:20:31,138 --> 00:20:32,539
If anything's happened-- Laura?

479
00:20:32,573 --> 00:20:34,108
Rob, trust me.

480
00:20:34,141 --> 00:20:36,043
Go away and come back in an hour.

481
00:20:36,076 --> 00:20:38,479
I will not. Laura, are you all right?

482
00:20:38,512 --> 00:20:40,147
LAURA: don't come in!

483
00:20:40,180 --> 00:20:42,950
Why not? Because I don't want you to.

484
00:20:42,983 --> 00:20:44,518
This is getting ridiculous.

485
00:20:44,551 --> 00:20:46,420
Laura, are you all right?

486
00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:48,388
( SOBBING ) I'm--I'm fine!

487
00:20:48,422 --> 00:20:50,157
Just go away!

488
00:20:50,190 --> 00:20:53,060
If you go away and come back in one hour--

489
00:20:53,093 --> 00:20:55,129
I'm not going away and coming back in any hour.

490
00:20:55,162 --> 00:20:56,930
Now, please, Millie. I'll stay here

491
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,599
till I find out what this is--

492
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:00,467
Laura?

493
00:21:00,501 --> 00:21:02,436
Laura, this is my house,

494
00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:04,104
you're my wife.

495
00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:06,240
And this is my door.

496
00:21:06,273 --> 00:21:08,208
Open it up and let me in there.

497
00:21:08,242 --> 00:21:11,145
LAURA: Please, Rob, go away.

498
00:21:11,178 --> 00:21:13,981
Laura, I'm serious.

499
00:21:14,014 --> 00:21:16,250
( DEEP VOICE ) Laura, listen to the tone of my voice.

500
00:21:18,285 --> 00:21:21,455
Laura, now, you know this tone, don't you?

501
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:23,490
Laura, I am not a violent man,

502
00:21:23,524 --> 00:21:25,425
but unless you're out of there by the time I count to three,

503
00:21:25,459 --> 00:21:26,994
I'm gonna bust this door down.

504
00:21:27,027 --> 00:21:28,228
Go away!

505
00:21:28,262 --> 00:21:30,164
Laura, I'm serious.

506
00:21:31,632 --> 00:21:33,934
One...

507
00:21:33,967 --> 00:21:35,369
Two...

508
00:21:35,402 --> 00:21:37,971
( SCREAMS INDISTINCTLY )

509
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:39,540
Rich, go to your room and look at your baseball cards.

510
00:21:39,573 --> 00:21:41,375
Can I see you bust the door down first?

511
00:21:41,408 --> 00:21:43,277
I am not gonna bust the door down.

512
00:21:43,310 --> 00:21:45,412
I'm gonna bust that door down.

513
00:21:45,445 --> 00:21:47,281
Go to your room.

514
00:21:47,314 --> 00:21:48,916
Where was I?

515
00:21:48,949 --> 00:21:50,050
One.

516
00:21:50,083 --> 00:21:51,318
Thank you.

517
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:53,153
One...

518
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:54,955
Two...

519
00:21:54,988 --> 00:21:56,256
Three!

520
00:22:15,275 --> 00:22:16,977
Why?

521
00:22:21,949 --> 00:22:24,117
What is that?

522
00:22:24,151 --> 00:22:27,120
Well, are you satisfied?

523
00:22:27,154 --> 00:22:29,556
We told you to come back in an hour.

524
00:22:29,590 --> 00:22:32,025
You're bleaching your hair blond.

525
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:34,228
We're not bleaching her hair--

526
00:22:36,563 --> 00:22:39,199
I suppose it's turning by itself?

527
00:22:39,233 --> 00:22:42,569
We're dyeing it back to its natural color.

528
00:22:42,603 --> 00:22:45,372
Laura's been a blonde all afternoon.

529
00:22:45,405 --> 00:22:48,709
All afternoon!

530
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,944
Honey, why?

531
00:22:50,978 --> 00:22:54,414
Why? Well, yesterday morning,

532
00:22:54,448 --> 00:22:56,383
I kissed you,

533
00:22:56,416 --> 00:22:59,286
and you said, "Don't do that."

534
00:22:59,319 --> 00:23:02,055
And you came down to breakfast

535
00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:04,324
in your yucky shirt...

536
00:23:04,358 --> 00:23:07,227
( SOBBING INDISTINCTLY )

537
00:23:09,463 --> 00:23:11,965
and the gray hair!

538
00:23:11,999 --> 00:23:14,401
And the Harpo Marx!

539
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:18,739
And the general yuckiness!

540
00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:20,674
Honey.

541
00:23:23,477 --> 00:23:26,713
Honey, it's all right.

542
00:23:26,747 --> 00:23:29,283
I understand, honey.

543
00:23:29,316 --> 00:23:31,685
I understand.

544
00:23:31,718 --> 00:23:34,388
You do?

545
00:23:34,421 --> 00:23:36,657
Uh, I think I'll come back after dinner

546
00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:38,325
and finish the job.

547
00:23:38,358 --> 00:23:40,560
Bye.

548
00:23:40,594 --> 00:23:42,663
Oh, Rob.

549
00:23:42,696 --> 00:23:44,531
Bye, everybody.

550
00:23:54,141 --> 00:23:56,677
Good night, Daddy. Good night, son.

551
00:23:56,710 --> 00:23:58,712
Daddy, tomorrow, is Mommy's hair

552
00:23:58,745 --> 00:24:00,447
gonna be brown again?

553
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,749
It certainly is. That's good.

554
00:24:02,783 --> 00:24:05,419
Oh, you think mama's prettier with brown hair, too?

555
00:24:05,452 --> 00:24:08,221
No, I think she's prettier with yellow.

556
00:24:08,255 --> 00:24:10,290
You do? Mm-hmm.

557
00:24:10,324 --> 00:24:13,093
Then why are you so happy about her turning it brown again?

558
00:24:13,126 --> 00:24:15,529
Because I don't want her to look prettier.

559
00:24:15,562 --> 00:24:17,464
I want her to look like Mommy.

560
00:24:17,497 --> 00:24:19,666
( LAUGHS )

561
00:24:23,737 --> 00:24:25,706
~~